Today I caught myself in a moment of conflict. I am sitting there, watching my {little} big girl bring me things, tell me she wants me to put her cars down the ramp "again", go and "unlock" the dog's cage with her play keys. Which, by the way, may I add - I have never used keys to unlock anything in front of her. We enter the house through the garage, and the dog cage most certainly does not have a lock on it, so where she learned that keys unlock things, especially doors, is a mystery to me. However, that is really beside the point. What the point is, is that my little girl isn't so little anymore. She is less and less of a baby every day, and more and more of a big girl. And while some of you, may think "...duh?". You really can't understand it, really can't grasp how it seems like over night they go from being a swaddled little 7lb 1oz squishy bundle in your arms, to a walking, talking, knows-when-she-is-being-funny, and most certainly-knows-when-she-is-not-getting-her-way, little girl. It baffles me how her infancy slipped through my fingers. Every day, she learns something new to add to her list of such big girl things. Oh, she really, really is a big girl and a girly girl at that. While in Kohls, she was entranced by some blinged out, light up, glittery shoes. Could they be any more tacky? No, probably not. But they are such a little girl's dream shoe, and my little girl showed her first real interest in shoes. That was such a defining big girl moment for me. She pulled them out of the boxes one by one, and looked them over several times, then she would hand them up to me with the biggest smile on her face and babble something as if to say "Look, Mommy, aren't these cool? Lights on shoes? Who thought of this? This guy is a genius!" The girl loves her shoes, I mean she LOVES them. I didn't buy the shoes, because they were too big. But you better believe if they came in her size, I would have happily forked over the over priced $50 so my big girl could have her new, tacky, blinged out, light up shoes. When you put her house shoes on her, and they happen to slip off, watch out - total meltdown mode. Like I said, girl loves her shoes. All of this realization that Kinley is less baby and more big girl everyday and also made me want to do a little revising to our lives. I don't want to let one second go by that she isn't the complete focus of what I am doing. Sure, I have my things to do like clean the house, take the dogs out, make meals... but, I just don't want to look back when she is two and feel like the last year slipped away, too. But the sad thing is, I probably will feel that way. I probably always will feel that way, and in fact, I probably will feel that the years fly by quicker and quicker, the older she gets. That is just being a mommy, I guess.
Less TV, more good night stories. Less sit-in-your-pack-'n'-play, more walks around the neighborhood. Less clean up your mess, more let's make a mess. Less dinners-to-go, more dinners at home. This is what I am striving for. I want to improve the quality of life for my daughter. Not that she has it bad, because she doesn't by any means. To be completely honest, we seriously have a hard time finding her new toys when we go into Toys R Us... The girl has everything. But to me, being a mom is the one thing I am passionate about. There isn't a thing in the world that can even begin to hold a candle to it. I think that is another reason that I have had such a hard time determining what to study in school, because the truth is.. I am doing exactly what I want to do and what I have always wanted to do. Granted, she won't be one year old forever, one day she will go to school and one day mommy won't be so cool.. but there has never been anything I ever wanted more than being a mom, and the thought of doing anything else seems so unfulfilling.
I find myself browsing baby items online A LOT lately, I mean BABY BABY items.. swaddling wraps, slings, nursing pillows, gliders, new bedding. The baby fever is in full force lately, and trust me I DO want another one. But sometimes, I wonder if part of that pang of achiness I feel inside for another baby, is a little bit just a yearning for the one I already have to be that little again. I don't know, all I do know is, I was born to be a momma.
less..
more..
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